Avoidance
Writing an Unsent Letter to a Situation Being Avoided
This task allows a client to externalize and process their fears and feelings about a situation.
Sometimes a client’s avoidance creates a clinical impasse. They can articulate the problem but are unable to move toward it, blocked by a mass of undifferentiated feelings like fear, obligation, or resentment. Direct discussion may only reinforce their defenses, leaving the core issue untouched and the therapeutic work stalled.
This directive offers a private, contained process for the client to externalize those feelings without the pressure of a real-world confrontation. It allows them to organize the internal chaos and identify the specific threads of their apprehension. The client walks away with a clearer understanding of what is actually holding them back, reducing the situation’s emotional weight.
Writing an Unsent Letter to a Situation Being Avoided
Identify one situation you are currently avoiding. This could be a conversation, a decision, a task, or a place.
Write a letter directly to this situation. Address it as if it were a person or an entity. For example, “Dear Upcoming Performance Review,” or “To the Phone Call I Have to Make.”
In the letter, describe what you expect to happen. Detail your specific fears about it. Write down what you feel when you think about this situation. Tell the situation what its presence in your life is costing you.
Write continuously without stopping to correct grammar or spelling. Do not censor your thoughts. If you get stuck, write the last word you wrote over and over until a new thought arrives.
This letter is not to be sent. When you are finished, do not read it over. Fold the letter, place it in an envelope, and bring it with you to your next appointment.
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