Trauma
Secondary Trauma Impact Inventory for Partners of Trauma Survivors
Partner of a trauma survivor absorbs the survivor's fear and hypervigilance without naming their own impact, and resentment builds underground.
Secondary trauma is real. A partner of someone with PTSD may become hypervigilant, avoidant of their own needs, or flooded by the survivor’s activation. But the partner often does not call this trauma. They think they should just support. Naming the partner’s impact is not disloyal to the survivor. It is honest.
This inventory helps the partner recognize what is happening to them and separate their own experience from the survivor’s.
Secondary Trauma Impact Inventory for Partners of Trauma Survivors
Answer the following without filtering:
My nervous system has changed since my partner’s trauma. What am I more jumpy about? What do I avoid? What do I check on more often?
What have I stopped doing because of my partner’s needs? (Friends. Alone time. Travel. My own therapy.)
What story do I tell myself about being a good partner? What does that story prevent me from saying?
When my partner is flooded, what happens in my body? Where do I feel it?
What do I resent about this situation? (That I have to manage their emotions. That I am always scanning for triggers. That I lost my own life.)
What am I afraid will happen if I voice these things? (They will break down. They will say I am unsupportive. They will leave me.)
What do I need that I have not asked for? (My own therapy. Time with friends. A night where I do not have to manage anything. Permission to have my own life.)
This is your impact. Not selfish. Not disloyalty. Your impact.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Take one thing you named above. This week, ask your partner for it. Not as an accusation. As something you need: “I need to see my friends this Saturday. I will be back by 10pm.” And go.
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