Communication
Communication Stance Inventory
Communication Stance Inventory
Use this directive with clients who struggle with recurring patterns of miscommunication or interpersonal conflict. It helps them identify their default interactional styles, particularly those that surface under stress and impede resolution. This tool offers a concrete way to begin recognizing these ingrained responses in themselves and others, making it useful for individual, couples, or family work where these patterns create persistent friction.
The mechanism is straightforward: clients categorize statements associated with various communication stances. This builds their ability to spot these patterns outside of session. Instead of just discussing theory, they actively differentiate between incongruent and congruent responses. This exercise serves as a practical first step toward interrupting automatic reactions and choosing more direct and authentic ways to communicate.
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Communication Stance Inventory
| 1 | “I’m useless, I can’t do anything right.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 2 | “I’m always the one who has to clean up after everyone else.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 3 | “Can we talk about something more lighthearted?” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 4 | “It’s important to me that we have open and honest conversations.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 5 | “Let’s address the issue directly and work towards resolution.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 6 | “I’ll do anything to avoid conflict.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 7 | “I can’t succeed because of the obstacles others put in my way.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 8 | “I need data and evidence before making a decision.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 9 | “I’m being honest about how I feel in this situation.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 10 | “I value transparency and authenticity in our interactions.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 11 | “Let’s change the subject, it’s too intense.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 12 | “Oh, look at that, isn’t it interesting?” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 13 | “I’ll do anything to make you happy.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 14 | “I’m committed to open and respectful communication.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 15 | “Let’s not dwell on the past, it’s time to move on.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 16 | “I want us to create a safe space where we can express ourselves freely.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 17 | “If you hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be in this mess.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 18 | “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 19 | “I’m not ready to deal with that right now, let’s do something fun.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 20 | “Please don’t be angry with me.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 21 | “It’s your fault that things went wrong.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 22 | “You never listen to me, it’s always about you.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 23 | “Did you see what happened on TV last night?” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 24 | “I’m feeling overwhelmed, let’s take a break.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 25 | “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 26 | “You’re just trying to control me like everyone else.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 27 | “Let’s keep emotions out of this and focus on the facts.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 28 | “I appreciate your input, but I have a different opinion.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 29 | “Let’s break it down into logical steps and find a solution.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 30 | “I don’t want to be a bother to anyone.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 31 | “I’m not important, others’ needs come first.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 32 | “I feel frustrated, and I would like to discuss it openly.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 33 | “If people were more competent, things would be better.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 34 | “I can’t trust anyone because they always let me down.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 35 | “Let’s distract ourselves with something entertaining.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 36 | “Everyone else is responsible for my unhappiness.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 37 | “I don’t want to talk about my feelings right now.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 38 | “I’ll just go along with what everyone else wants.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 39 | “I prefer rational discussions over emotional ones.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 40 | “Feelings shouldn’t influence decision-making.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 41 | “Whatever you want is fine with me.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 42 | “Enough about that, let’s talk about something else.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 43 | “Let’s analyze the situation logically.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 44 | “I want to understand your perspective, can we talk about it?” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 45 | “I don’t understand why people get so emotional about things.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 46 | “Emotions only cloud judgment, so let’s focus on facts.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 47 | “Nobody cares about my needs or feelings.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 48 | “I’m always here to help, no matter what.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 49 | “Let’s approach this problem with a systematic approach.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
| 50 | “I need time to think things through before responding.” | ▢ Placating ▢ Blaming ▢ Computing ▢ Leveling ▢ Distracting |
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