Relationships
Reciprocity Audit for a Specific Friendship
Helps a client evaluate the balance of give-and-take in a friendship.
When a client feels consistently drained or taken for granted in a friendship, their frustration is often vague. They may struggle to articulate why the relationship feels one-sided, mixing fondness and obligation with a general sense of imbalance. Without a clear picture, they can doubt their own perceptions, making it difficult to address the issue directly or make a decision about the friendship’s future.
This directive provides a structured method for the client to catalog the relationship’s actual exchanges. It moves the conversation from ambiguous feelings to a more objective record of the give-and-take. Your client walks away with a concrete summary of the friendship’s dynamics, giving you both a factual starting point for the work ahead.
Reciprocity Audit for a Specific Friendship
Choose one specific friendship to evaluate. Consider your interactions over the last six months. For each item in the table below, rate the frequency of the exchange between you and this friend.
Use the following scale: O (Often), S (Sometimes), R (Rarely or Never).
| Area of Exchange | I Give This to Them (O/S/R) | I Receive This from Them (O/S/R) |
|---|---|---|
| Initiating contact (texts, calls, plans) | ||
| Listening while they describe a problem | ||
| Sharing good news and celebrating them | ||
| Offering practical help (errands, favors) | ||
| Providing emotional comfort | ||
| Remembering and acknowledging important dates | ||
| Loaning/giving money or possessions | ||
| Including them in your social plans | ||
| Speaking positively about them to others | ||
| Expressing appreciation to them directly | ||
| Accommodating their schedule/preferences | ||
| Sharing vulnerable feelings or information |
After completing the table, answer the following questions based on the patterns you see.
In which areas is the exchange most balanced?
In which areas is the exchange most imbalanced?
Describe one specific recent event that illustrates a pattern you noted in the table.
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