Communication
Observation Task: Tracking 'Question-to-Statement' Ratio in Conversations
This task helps a client who deflects intimacy to notice how often they use questions to avoid.
Some clients are masters of conversational deflection. They seem highly engaged and curious, but skillfully use questions to keep the focus on others, effectively avoiding self-disclosure. While this can make them seem like great listeners, it’s a pattern that often leaves them feeling unknown and their relationships lacking genuine reciprocity.
This observation task gives your client a structured way to quantify that dynamic. Instead of relying on memory or abstract discussion, they gather concrete data on their own conversational patterns. Your client returns to the next session with a new awareness of precisely how they manage distance, creating a clear starting point for change.
Observation Task: Tracking 'Question-to-Statement' Ratio in Conversations
For the next seven days, your task is to notice the balance between the questions you ask and the statements you make in conversation. Do not change how you normally speak. This is an observation task only.
After any conversation that lasts more than five minutes, take a moment to reflect. In the log below, make a tally mark for each question you asked the other person. Then, make a tally mark for each statement you made about yourself, your thoughts, experiences, or feelings.
A question seeks information from someone else. Examples: “How was your weekend?” “What do you think about that?”
A statement gives information about you. Examples: “My weekend was relaxing.” “I think the project is off track.”
Record your tallies for at least one conversation each day.
| Date | Conversation with (initials or role) | My Questions (Tally) | My Statements (Tally) |
|---|---|---|---|
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