Relationships
Defining the Terms of Engagement for a Low-Contact Relationship
Assists a client in clarifying personal rules and limits for interacting with a difficult family.
Your client has made the difficult choice to reduce contact with a family member, but they’re still getting pulled into the same draining conversations and obligations. They know what they don’t want, but struggle to articulate and maintain a clear position on what they do want, leaving them exhausted and inconsistent.
This directive guides the client in establishing their own explicit protocols for communication and interaction. They move from a reactive posture to a proactive one, prepared with their own clear set of rules for how, when, and under what conditions they will engage.
Defining the Terms of Engagement for a Low-Contact Relationship
Use the text below as a template for an email or letter. Replace the bracketed text with your specific information. Keep the message direct. Do not add apologies or justifications. Send the message, then act according to the terms you have set. Do not debate the terms.
Subject: An update on our communication
[Name],
I am making changes to how I communicate. This message is to let you know what to expect from me going forward.
I will now be communicating primarily through [text/email]. I will not be available for unscheduled phone calls. I will check and respond to messages [once a day/twice a week/when I am able].
I will no longer participate in conversations about [topic 1] or [topic 2]. If these subjects are raised, I will end the conversation or leave.
For in-person family gatherings, I will be present for [number] hours. I will keep our personal interactions brief and focused on general topics.
These are the terms that work for me. They are not up for discussion.
[Your Name]
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