Relationships
Behavioral Task for Expressing Non-Transactional Appreciation
This task directs a client to notice and acknowledge a partner's action that has no direct benefit.
When your client’s relationship feels like a tally of favors exchanged, their expressions of gratitude can become purely transactional. They might say “thank you” often, but only for things their partner does directly for them. This focus narrows their perception of the partner, reducing them to a provider of services rather than a whole person with independent motivations and qualities.
This behavioral task shifts the client’s attention away from what they receive and toward their partner’s character in action. It provides a concrete way to notice and verbalize appreciation for behaviors that have no direct benefit to the client, disrupting the score-keeping dynamic. They walk away with a wider, more generous view of their partner and a new way to express genuine, non-reciprocal admiration.
Behavioral Task for Expressing Non-Transactional Appreciation
Before we meet again, your task is to find one instance of your partner doing something for themselves or for others that has no direct benefit to you.
Watch for a moment where they show a quality like patience with a stranger, focus on a personal project, kindness to an animal, or skill in their work.
Within 24 hours of observing the action, find a neutral time to speak to them. State only what you saw.
Begin with the phrase, “I was watching you when…” or “I noticed how you…”
For example: “I noticed how you took the time to listen to your mother on the phone earlier. You were very patient.” Or, “I was watching you in the garage. Your focus on that repair was complete.”
After you say this one sentence, do not elaborate or explain. Do not wait for a particular reaction. Simply let the statement stand on its own.
Generated with Rapport7 — rapport7.com