Grief and loss
A 'Both/And' Grid for Grieving Someone Who is Still Alive
Helps clients hold the dual reality of loving the person who is here and grieving the person who is.
When a client’s grief is for someone still living, a person changed by dementia, addiction, or severe mental illness, the feelings can be deeply confusing. They are often caught between loyalty to the person who is present and sorrow for the person they’ve lost. This internal contradiction can be paralyzing, making it difficult for the client to articulate their experience, even to themselves.
This directive helps the client externalize and organize these conflicting truths. The goal is not to resolve the contradiction, but to make it manageable. It provides a way to see that both love for the person here and grief for the person who is gone can coexist. The client walks away with a concrete way to hold these two realities at once, reducing the emotional chaos.
A 'Both/And' Grid for Grieving Someone Who is Still Alive
Use the grid below to document two coexisting realities about the person you are grieving.
In the first column, list specific qualities, shared experiences, and ways of connecting that are no longer accessible to you. In the second column, list specific qualities, shared experiences, and ways of connecting that are still present.
You can fill this out in one sitting or add to it over time. Do not try to balance the columns. The task is to allow both lists to be true at once.
| What Is Lost | What Is Present |
|---|---|
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